Well, that’s the Montenegro group trip officially done and dusted. Blink and you’d have missed it!

Over the last few days, I’ve been ferried up, down and around little Montenegro via the Black Mountains (the country’s official namesake), all while patiently waiting for the group to fracture into irreconcilable competing factions.

Most inconveniently from a story-telling perspective, no such schism in the end materialised. No drama. No delays. No descent into mutual incriminations. Just genuinely good people all round – the sort you can happily spend eight hours alongside on a bumpy bus journey, then choose to get squiffy with on Krstač straight afterwards. Sofia included!

Just look at all this unforced conviviality – what the hell am I supposed to do with that…?

In the event, the nearest thing we came to genuine drama occurred when one of our number – a lovely but, let’s say, “directionally challenged” older lady, who – for the purposes of preserving what little remains of her dignity, we’ll call “Blanche” – somehow managed to wander off an otherwise fool-proof hiking trail and temporarily misplace herself in the great Montenegrin wilderness.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t absolutely fucking fuming at the time – as, in fairness, was the whole rest of the group. Collective blood pressure rose still further when Blanche’s equally as… umm… “unworldly” younger sister, “Pooki”, breezily piped up that: “Oh, Blanche does this all the time. Once she was lost in the mountains for six whole hours!”. Before then also helpfully divulging that – for reasons known only unto the lady herself – Blanche had similarly elected to undertake this little wilderness adventure without carrying so much as a mobile fucking phone with her either…

Upon which, I could have cheerfully bludgeoned both sisters (awol and otherwise) to death with my industrial-sized water bottle – but, in spite of myself, somehow nobly resisted the urge. Discretion being the better part of valour and all that – though only just in this case!

Fortunately, the park rangers managed to locate our prodigal sheep within twenty minutes and soon restored her to the flock – before the lady in question was either torn apart by bears or – more pertinently – risked fucking with my lunch. Priorities and all that.

As it was, however, any lingering bad feeling was at least put to bed that same evening, when Blanche – in an (in fairness wholly warranted) fit of apologia – insisted on purchasing several bottles of wine for group consumption. I know I speak for the collective here in declaring that all is officially forgiven (for now), Blanche – though next time please rest assured that the bears will be getting first dibs…

Anyhoo… Much as I’ve enjoyed talking group dynamics, Montenegro itself also deserves a look-in. Fair to say that, for a country of its size, the place certainly packs quite the punch.

The last few days alone have taken us via Budva on the coast…

Then up to the cliff-edge Ostrog Monastery (home to various allegedly miraculous relics)…

On through the Durmitor Mountains Biogradska National Park (yes, the water really was that colour)…

Before finally ending up back in Podgorica (where I’d originally flown in) – Montenegro’s dinky, but at the time glorious sunny, capital city:

Not a great deal to say about little Podgorica, truth be told. Given its diminutive size (roughly that of your average UK seaside town), it was never likely to be overflowing with headline attractions here.

What the place does have, however, is a phenomenal array of street art – much of it, according to Sofia (our guide) at least, depicting local football rivalries. To my untrained eye, though, several pieces looked more like the handiwork of competing Balkan paramilitary forces – not exactly an unreasonable assumption to make either, given the region’s all-too-recent history…

Which brings me on to lovely Herceg Novi back on the coast, where I find myself officially riding solo once again – the group portion of the trip having come to an end this morning.

To even my own surprise, I actually found myself rather sad to see everyone go.

Fortunately for me, however, there are worse places to process such unanticipated emotions than the beautiful Savina Winery, with its stunning vistas out over the bay.

I’d signed up for what was advertised as a “basic” package: namely, three tastings of wine and some accompanying nibbles. Naively, I assumed this meant the usual polite soupçon of each. Instead, I was presented with three full glasses – one white, one red, one rosé – all in the middle of the day. Well, waste not, want not, I suppose – the visit had cost me a good €40, after all. The inevitable result is that I’m currently writing this in a mildly tipsy state and with perhaps less editorial oversight than normal. Sorry not sorry.

As for the next couple of days, my agenda at the very civilised Palmon Bay Hotel & Spa pretty much consists of swimming, working my way diligently through the spa treatment menu, and resuming Aperol Spritz consumption after a three-day alpine hiatus.

Anyway, that’s probably enough for one update…

And apologies for the mega-post – intent was not to compress most of Montenegro into a single entry! Blame the fact that I’ve been having too much fun spending quality time with my hitherto fellow travellers, rather than quietly turning them into amusing anecdotes after the fact (Blanche, by exception, having rendered herself well and truly fair game…).

Before I finally sign off then, a brief teaser: the next instalment will be featuring a surprise guest appearance, to be revealed next time…

In fact, said individual has even gallantly volunteered to engineer an argument for the sake of content creation, given the decided lack of drama thus far. I’ve politely declined on the grounds that – after a few days in close proximity – any disagreements worth their salt will surely emerge of their own accord.

Realistically, though – if this trip so far is anything to go by – we’ll probably just end up companionably drinking wine, eating seafood and bimbling around somewhere picturesque.

Disappointing for narrative tension.

Excellent for everything else… 🙂