Did I really say in my first post that rainy season in the tropics consists “mainly of sunshine with the odd afternoon torrential downpour thrown in”…? Turns out I was talking right out of my arse on that one.*

In fact – and much to my obvious dismay – it pissed it down pretty much solidly for my whole entire first 48 hours on the otherwise would-be idyllic island of Koh Samui. Only yesterday did the weather at last begrudgingly shift from “endless downpour” to merely “cloudy and overcast” – which, quite frankly, I’ll happily take at this point. For a brief moment, even braving the shelling in Koh Chang was starting to look the more appealing option. If it came to it, I’d at least die warm and dry.

And speaking of “dry”, the beachside Sanctimony Resort (name changed to protect the innocent) is duly beautiful – outside of monsoon season, that is.

It does, however, operate an unfortunate no-alcohol onsite policy. I did clock this when booking – though with just four days’ notice to re-jig all my plans, it was very much a case of beggars not being choosers at that point. Still, Google reliably assured me there were a couple of nearby beach bars (the beach itself being fairly secluded and off the beaten track), so I didn’t think it would be too much of an issue. Obviously the rain has, to date, stopped all play on that front.

A less rule-abiding person might have hit up the ramshackle local village shop to pick up a sneaky Singha or two in the meantime. Would I personally ever stoop to such illicit behaviour…? Perish the thought!

Perhaps it’s the decided lack of cocktails, or perhaps a reflection of my own headspace during the worst of the weather, but it seems the Sanctimony has a very different vibe to the Bamboo Yoga Retreat I went to in Goa last year. There I truly found my people – ladies like me, of a certain age, who were into yoga and meditation as worthwhile, edifying endeavours… until the bar opened, that is! 😉

The Sanctimony, by contrast, feels decidedly more intentional – with more of an earnest ‘self-improvement’ vibe than a ‘let’s all get squiffy and overshare’ type one. Not a bad thing in and of itself for the yoga purists of the world, but for the likes of us mere lay people, it does create a distinctly different ambience – less warmth, less humour, less heart, somehow. Nice enough people – just a different crowd entirely. As for my own (highly amateur) yoga practice, for the first couple of days I definitely struggled to get into the zone, as if I were (literally) just going through the motions. Little by little though, I’m gradually easing into it now – but it has admittedly been a slow burn so far.

So yes, suffice to say I was feeling a bit sorry for myself for a moment there – not helped in the slightest by the sodding ATM in Lamai swallowing my bloody bank card on day two as well. Thank God for the Barclays in-app card cancellation feature, as well as my long-instilled habit (courtesy of Super Dad) of always travelling with plenty of emergency cash and back-up cards to hand. Add to that a case of jet lag that refuses to quit, plus the obligatory on-arrival case of the shits – and it’s clear that the Great Holiday Curse of 2025 hasn’t quite lifted yet. On the upside, there’s zero risk of sunburn any time soon at least.

Anyhoo, this is all turning into a bit of a “first world problems” moan. It’s really not all doom and gloom here – far from it, in fact!

The saving grace, of course, is that you don’t actually need nice weather to enjoy the Sanctimony spa facilities: i.e. the pool (think daily swims to the mental soundtrack of “I’m Swiiiimming in the Rain“), a herbal steam room, infrared sauna therapy and a float pool. The latter supposedly offers a profound, perspective-altering sensory experience – but one that was, in my case, clearly lost on me. Personally, I just felt like I was lying in a lukewarm bath, waiting for something transcendental to happen (spoiler alert: it didn’t).

But y’all know I’m really in it for the massages! As you might expect, I’ve been indulging heavily on this front since I got here, both onsite (five included in the Sanctimony package) and at the cheap local place a ten-minute walk away. With massages at the local going for just £7 a pop for a good hour, why the hell not, I say – at least while I wait for the weather to sort itself out at any rate.

Plus the massages here are the real deal. Thai massages in the UK are, as a rule, nowhere near as exquisitely painful as those in Thailand – nor as superlatively bendy. At home I spend my sessions politely begging the therapist to go harder; here they truly mean business. One masseuse went so aggressively at my pressure points I had to ask her to tone it down before I quite literally puked or passed out. Now that is what I call a massage.

Ditto the food – which at the Sanctimony is also right up my street. Think plant-based (with optional seafood and dairy add-ons), bio-diverse, fully organic – not to mention delicious to boot. Plus my beloved home-made masala chai on tap every morning too – bliss!

So far, the plant count consists of (in no particular order): apple, dragon fruit, melon, papaya, lime, coconut, tamarind, lettuce, tomatoes, sweetcorn, pak choi, carrot, broccoli, beetroot, button mushroom, shiitake mushroom, peas, snow peas, pea sprouts, mange tout, beansprouts, red pepper, celery, cucumber, lotus flower, squash, Thai basil, rosemary, dill, chives, ginger, garlic, chilli, brown rice, quinoa, Job’s tears, black bean, red bean, mung bean, edamame, tofu, seaweed, flax seeds, sunflower seeds, sesame seeds, pumpkin seeds, cardamon, anise, cinnamon, cloves, black pepper, tea, coffee, extra virgin olive oil and – last but not least – apple cider vinegar.

At “just” 55, I’m not quite beating my weekly average of 65 – 70 back home (yes, I do count my plants – no surprise there to anyone who knows me in any capacity at all… 😉 ). Then again, I’m only three days in, so there’s still time yet to hit a new personal best!

Plus all this enforced rest means I’ve got time to actually read. And reflect. And plan my next holiday, which – needless to say – next time has to be securely triple-locked and 100% failsafe. Switzerland, anyone…?

So that pretty much brings you all up to date. I’m pretty sure there is some overarching life lesson at play here about finding happiness within, and not being so reactive to external events one can’t control – like, oh I don’t know, let’s say the frikkin’ weather. If so, it hasn’t quite landed for me yet – at least, not at a heart level. I just want some sodding sun!!

In fairness though, the experience genuinely has taught me gratitude. Gratitude for a hot cup of chai on a stormy afternoon. Gratitude for those fleeting moments when it actually stops raining. And – most sincerely of all – gratitude for all those ubiquitous makeshift little Thai shacks that sell gloriously ice-cold beer out of a literal hole in the wall.

As for now though, things are tentatively looking up on the weather front, and the staff say that the worst is behind us – knock on wood… As I type, a hint of hazy sunshine is finally starting to poke through – so I’m off now to explore while the going’s good.

Till next time – if you don’t hear from me, assume I’m hiding from the rain, while submitting myself to yet another semi-torturous Thai massage. Sa-wat-dee ka for now!

* Or maybe not. Apparently it was mostly sunshine until I rocked up (as also confirmed by my obsessive monitoring of Koh Samui weather cams in the run-up to this trip). I’d say I have bought the weather with me, except it was a sunny autumn in the UK when I left… At this rate, it seems I might be the only person in recorded history to come to Thailand and promptly develop a case of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Urrghhh.