Seems I’m not having much luck with holidays this year.

Last spring I was due to go to the Balkans for 10 days, but had to re-plan at the last minute when my Dad had a major wobble that Serbia was on the verge of descending into bloody civil war (spoiler alert: it wasn’t).

I duly decamped to Romania, only there to endure literally one of the most excruciating weeks of my entire life – not my Dad’s fault, nor even Romania’s, but rather that of the singularly tedious, relentlessly didactic cyborg that was Alex-RO (and for those who haven’t read it, that whole sorry saga begins here). Come to think of it, even open civil warfare would have still been preferable to a week in the enforced “company” of that infernal, history-obsessed, monologue machine…

I thought this time I was safe as houses booking in Thailand, especially given that I was bypassing Bangkok (occasionally prone to the odd military coup) – but not so, it seems!

My plan had been to do a yoga retreat at The Spa Koh Chang, with a stop-off in first Singapore and then Trat along the way.

A mere four days before flying out, however, my Dad sent me this worrying little article. Turns out a border “skirmish” between Cambodia and Thailand had recently broken out, prompting cross-border shelling on both sides and the FCO advising against all non-essential travel to… exactly the bit of Thailand I was effing due to go to. Naturally.

Bugger.

Now, I am no stranger to travel to some of the world’s, let’s say, dicier areas – and I do fully realise that in practice the risk of any associated shelling heading my way is ridiculously small. But the fallout were something to go wrong would of course be hugely far-reaching, particularly given my insurance would likely be invalidated as a result. Which – in the unexpected event of injury or need for repatriation – would also leave me with some serious egg on my face back at the office, given my line of work…

Does my Dad have an algorithm set up to monitor political and otherwise events in any country I am even tentatively thinking about visiting, I wonder…? (Still, in all seriousness, thank you Daddy for the heads up on this one!)

Luckily for me, after 50 plus countries and a good few years’ living abroad, I am now something of a travel ninja. Within just an hour or two, I was able to book a different retreat on safer Koh Samui, re-route internal flights and put in an insurance claim for the non-refundable aspects of the Koh Chang accommodation.

Unfortunately, in my somewhat “harried” process of hurriedly re-booking, I neglected to notice that – while November is one of the best months weatherwise to visit most of Thailand – it’s actually one of the worst for Koh Chang, its very own self-contained eco-system, apparently, and right now slap-bang in the middle of the sodding rainy season too.

Urrghhh.

Still, in my experience, rainy season in the tropics usually consists of one or two daily deluges, rather than the characteristic unrelenting British-style constant drizzle – so hopefully one I can work around (or, failing that, decamp for a nice Thai massage instead…). And, all things considered, probably better to occasionally end up a bit damp than take a dirty great shell to the head really.

Anyhoo, first world problems and all that! The new place, the Sanctimony (not real name, obvs), looks nice enough (if not as “bijou” as the first one), and a holiday’s a holiday after all – even if at this point I’m genuinely considering simply staying at home with the cat next year…

As for now, watch this space! I’m officially posting this from Heathrow Terminal 5 (pathologically early, as per usual) and – barring any further last-minute outbreaks of war or any other forms of force majeure – I’ll hopefully be updating from sunny Singapore very soon. Assuming, of course, that the universe behaves itself for the next few hours, that is…