Well, I’m due to set off back to the airport shortly, marking the official end of this Goan sojourn. As you know, this wasn’t my usual kind of trip by any means, and I wasn’t entirely sure how it would all eventually pan out. In the event though, it’s turned out to be everything I hoped for and more – one of the best trips in years, in fact!

For those of you who have only just realised this blog exists – well, better late than never! Consider this your friendly neighbourhood reminder that you’ve missed out on a good two weeks of sheer literary genius (just ask my mum!). For your benefit, I’ve put together a quick highlight reel of this trip for the time-poor or CBA crowd, who inexplicably haven’t yet read every word of this travelog masterpiece. And with that, here’s my massively abridged, wildly biased, and completely non-exhaustive Goa top five – and plus a few “final thoughts” on the whole collective experience too, while we’re at it….

1. Yoga and Meditation Retreat

A major highlight of the trip was – unsurprisingly – blissing out at the relaxing Bamboo Yoga Retreat on the secluded Polem beach. With its untouched white sands and warm waters, daily yoga and meditation sessions, bio-diverse vegetarian food, plus bar and spa on site (both frequented most days!), this place felt like a true paradise on earth – and I was, of course, in good company for the duration too! In fact, I’m rapidly coming to the conclusion that yoga retreats are to women “of a certain age” what youth hostels are to backpackers: i.e. a great way to meet people on the move, do something vaguely cultural by day, and then collectively converge on the bar to get a bit squiffy together by night… 😉

Only downsides: minimal hot water and Putin decidedly pissing on my chips halfway through (not exactly conducive to staying “in the moment” while simultaneously contemplating the imminent prospect of apocalyptic thermonuclear warfare). For my full posts on the yoga retreat experience, see here and here.

2. Hippying Out at Palolem

Heading up the coast, I next spent a lovely few days in the vibrant beach town of Palolem, where the laid-back, quintessentially Goan hippy vibe is still very much alive and well. From yoga classes and reiki to art workshops and past-life regression, there was no shortage of New Age shenanigans on offer here – because, well, Goa… No past-life revelations for me though as – let’s face it – it’s probably best I don’t confirm anyone’s suspicions about a certain Teutonic dictator with a dodgy tache anytime soon… 😉

I may not have quite attained spiritual enlightenment while here, though after one particular high-intensity, truly bona fide Ayurvedic massage, I genuinely felt like I’d touched the divine – or, failing that, fallen madly in love with the masseur and his exquisitely silver thumbs. The deluded, abortion-obsessed Deva Batshit can, by contrast, swivel on it. You can read more about the whole Goan hippy / hipster experience here, here and here.

3. Sight-seeing in Panaji

I really loved my time in the Goan capital, Panaji (or Panjim, depending on who you ask) – a vibrant, colourful and notably laid-back city with a strong colonial influence, which lent the place a vibe that at times felt almost as Mediterranean as Indian.

I spent a chill few days here bimbling around the local markets, churches and temples, stopping in on multiple hole-in-the-wall chai shops along the way, and indulging in the occasional feni cocktail. Top tip: if you’re signing up for an Ayurvedic massage in this neck of the woods, do make sure you know exactly what you’re agreeing to – and keep your bumhole firmly off the itinerary!

4. Food Glorious Food

And of course, there was delicious Goan food, which is unique in India thanks to the historic Portuguese influence here. Most days, I’d tuck into some sort of South Indian brunch — such as dhosas, idli, upma, seerna, uttapam, aloo parantha, or the intriguing ros omelette (an omelette in curry sauce) — invariably accompanied by a sweet lassi or washed down with yet more of my beloved masala chai.

In the evenings, I explored various thalis and Goan specialities, such as prawn xacuti, Goan fish curry, prawn balchão, chicken cafreal, and ambot tik. Oh, and vindaloo (laaa laaah), which, it turns out, is Goan in origin too. Who knew? Not forgetting, of course, the odd visit to traditional Indian sweet shops for a spot of laddu, barfi, or milk cake as well.

5. India Being India!

And of course, not forgetting all the weird and wonderful things that make India India – from tuk tuks to Tata trucks, to bustling markets and ornate temples, to vibrant colours and intoxicating fragrances, to the ubiquitous cows nearly everywhere you look. Some things just never change – and, honestly, would we want it any other way…? 😉

So, in conclusion, here are my musings on the trip as a whole. I’m aware that some of this could be construed as a privileged, middle-aged, middle-class white woman appropriating centuries of ancient Ayurvedic traditions, and then cherry-picking the bits that best suit. I personally prefer to think of it as finding out what resonates most, and then taking it from there… Anyhoo, that all being said, here we go:

1. Less Really Is More: Somehow, this two-week trip feels like a month’s worth of relaxation, and for the first time in… ummm.. forever… as a result I don’t require another holiday to get over this last one…

2. Embracing My Inner Virgo: Whether as a result of the stars, coincidence, or Barnum effect, I am Virgo: hear me… ummm… plan…? Bring on fulfilment of personal, professional and filial duty – cause that’s how I roll, y’all.

3. Yoga and Meditation: Both definitely the way forward, but only if approached on a “start low, go slow” basis – think yin yoga (minimal movement) or yoga nidra (no movement at all). Anything else is prone to tip me right back into school PE territory (i.e. feeling wholly inadequate and immediately wanting to give up), which I think we can all agree is not exactly the right vibe for embarking on any new spiritual, physical, or emotional path here. Anyway, I personally incline more to the view that quests for enlightenment pair rather better with a G&T and good company instead… 😉

4. Ayurvedic Deep Pressure Point Massage: A true revelation!! I saw stars. I saw God. I saw imminent matrimony with the masseur in question, and his divine thumbs. Painful…? Agonisingly so. Exquisite…? Oh God, yes. In short, more please!

5. “Spirituality” and “Wellness” Have Their Limits. And mine primarily boil down to abortion-themed role-play activities (wrong wrong wrong on so many levels) and involuntary enemas (just… no).

And that’s a wrap for this trip! No great life-changing spiritual revelations achieved maybe, but plenty of massages, cocktails, the odd bit of sightseeing and lots of fun (and unexpectedly deep) emotional chats with the ladies at the retreat. And so for once in my long history of travels, it really has been as much about the “being” than the “doing” this time round – a yin versus yang balance I will definitely need to take forward into other trips. And – as you might have guessed! – I am already thinking about a potential return next years, stars permitting that is… 😉

For now though, thanks a million to all of you reading – you know who you are! – and watch this space for next time! 🙂