Namaste. I am writing this blog post to you, mere mortals, from a higher plane of consciousness, one where – through the transformative power of asana and dhyana* combined – all truths of the world have revealed themselves unto me, and body, mind and spirit now align as one… Ohhhhmmmm.

Or not! So far, I am obviously yet to get anywhere near nirvana, or even getting much of a handle on yoga as a practice either, truth be told. The high-intensity “power yoga” type sessions I’ve had so far have been both a) too technically challenging for me to fully keep up with, and b) closely accompanied by a stream of consciousness internal monologue which in my case ran something like this: Why can’t I frikking do this? Oww, this really hurts. I’m hungry. And rubbish everything. How much longer can this class bloody go on for? Maybe I’m undiagnosed dyspraxic? I’d seriously kill for that instructor’s abs. I’m such a numpty. How many steps have I done so far today? I wonder what’s for lunch later? Mmmm, chai masala… What time is it right now in Seoul? I wonder how work is getting on? – and so on and so forth ad nauseum….

Still, the meditation bits I can at least get behind – not that my brain in any way deems fit to dial down the incessant running commentary for the occasion (it doesn’t), but at least I’m actually lying down in the process – as opposed to inwardly berating myself for failing to successfully move beyond any yoga position other than sodding ‘downward dog’…

Still, tomorrow is another day though! The beauty of this place is that they apparently vary up the style of yoga from class to class, so – while the last couple have been undeniably pretty intense – there are also sessions coming up that are based on more “slow flow” type movements, where it’s more about holding static poses for minutes at a time, rather than transitioning dynamically from one pose to the next in quick succession (which is where I always seem to come rapidly unstuck…).

Whether I ultimately end up catching the yoga bug or not here though, the Bamboo Yoga Retreat itself is still absolute paradise on earth. Unbelievably, we pretty much have an entire mile long stretch of white sandy beach and warm water ocean almost entirely to ourselves here, being shared only with a local fishing village at the far end. This means: no shops, no vendors, no hassle, no noise, no interruptions, no one hawking tourist tat, etc., just idyllic, unspoiled Indian coastline – the kind of place I didn’t think still even existed in today’s over-touristed, late-stage capitalist world! Despite the warm water, attempts to swim here were short-lived though; the sea was deceptively strong, and on consideration I’d prefer not to drown myself on this trip – at least not so early in at any rate.

So, fair to say that Bamboo Yoga Retreat is very much my kind of place: calm, quirky and well-run, with both bar and spa on-site, friendly fellow travellers to hand, as well as fantastic bio-diverse vegetarian food and plentiful chai masala (my personal amber nectar of the moment) on offer for brunch and dinner daily.

As we have clearly established from all the above, I am not exactly the type to wind down easily (understatement of the year!). All that being said though, yoga aside, there’s no denying that this place clearly has a definite magnetic relaxation pull of its own here. And, let’s face it, if I’m ever going to learn to truly chill the eff out – or at least stop fucking swearing at myself – right here certainly feels like the perfect place to start… 🙂

* Sanskrit for postures and meditation

^ I can’t take credit for this title btw. I ran the draft of this post through ChatGBT, and this it what it came up with. Not bad, GenAI, not bad at all…